Monday, February 23, 2009

The "D" Word

Oh, it was a blissful eight months we had together, no calorie counting, no exercise schedule, no dress to squeeze into for a family event...but alas our time has come to an end and I must thrust myself back into reality! I hate saying the dreaded "D" word because it only brings judgement and disgust, let alone my own children will run away in fear because Mommy's taken away all of the "fun" foods. So here we go...wait for it...yes I'm starting back on my DIET!

I hate loathe that word, for years I would use my children as an excuse, "I just haven't been back to my old self since I had kids" or the ever popular "I'm so busy with work and family that I just don't have time for me" (yeah that second one was always a great fall back!) But last year, when we found out that Dave's brother was getting married, I didn't want to be embarrassed by my size (I'm strong enough to admit it, I was a size 20) so I decided to try to lose some pounds before the wedding. Don't get me wrong, I most likely wouldn't qualify for The Biggest Loser however, I definitely have not kept my girlish figure (if you want to call it that) since I was a blissfully unaware newlywed (size 16) and now I'm realizing that I can't give excuses anymore.

Most people who know me realize that I have never been in the size 12 and under range (except maybe when I was 10), nor will I ever be, but I most definitely do not need to be where I currently reside either. By June 2008, I had lost almost 30 lbs. and was feeling great about it! I wasn't really dieting, I was simply watching my portion control and exercising at a gym right down the street, but I was making a concerted effort. Well, the wedding came and went (which I still looked terrible in the photos once I saw them) and so did my self control. I decided to cut back on the gym (and used the excuse that I needed to save more money for the family) and then my portion control just ceased to exist. I will say that about the only thing that I have maintained is my ability to avoid fast food restaurants, which was a HUGE (pardon the pun) weakness!

However, it's now eight months post wedding and I've gained back every single pound! So, after a disappointing weekend of pants shopping, I cried to my husband that I was so angry with myself that I needed to get back in control. And so here I am, ready to tackle this demon yet again! I know that I will never be a "skinny" girl but once I had lost those 30 lbs. I knew that I could do it and maybe even lose a little bit more, but now I'm back at square one and it stinks!

This time, I have no goal (i.e.-wedding) but I know that I felt so much better when I had lost that weight and that I was my own worst enemy. So, according to my height and current weight, I am well over the normal range (would love to know who determined what this range is) and if I want to be "normal", then I need to lose approximately 50 lbs. to be average. Just thinking about this number I want to smack myself silly because I was already half way there before I had the ingenious plan to stop my routine! So, starting from scratch, just with no gym this go round (we have a treadmill in our basement that will be my new best friend until spring) and my sheer determination (that always sounds good on paper, right) to overcome my battle of bulge!

With Lent starting this week, I've chosen to give up soda which is going to be incredibly hard since I prefer that over sweets but I know I can do it. I'm starting off slowly with simply gaining my stamina on the treadmill and then I'll start adding back in cardio and some free weights that I have at home. This all sounds good in theory but I hope to be able to stick with it. I have no one to blame but myself and I want to be healthier and happier (plus it doesn't hurt to be able to clothes shop because everything's too big!)

If anyone has any tips that they're willing to share, I'd love to hear them, heaven knows I have a long road ahead of me! Wish me luck!

Happy Monday!

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